Shaving A Beard-Beard Trilogy Part 2
I was going to forgo posting anything new ever since Steve Clements started sharpening an axe.
However, I need a shave.
To the normal person (that would be you) those two sentences wouldn't seem to go together. However, you (the normal person) aren't writing this. I am. And, to me, those two sentences make perfect sense together. You see, I am not particularly fond of shaving. In order to avoid shaving, I will use anything as an excuse. That includes writing about shaving.
Most men don’t like shaving unless they want to look really pretty.Yes,I have heard of metro sexuality but that sounds like someone still wondering which side of the sex he is on . I suppose most women aren’t too fond of it, either, but I’m not one, so I’ll leave that to them to say. Besides, they're shaving things that men don't shave nor would they even consider shaving.Oops,my apologies to the metrosexuals again.
If you shave your legs or armpits, it might be a pain but, if you screw up, you can generally find some way to hide it. When you shave your face, if you slice off your lower lip people are going to notice.Yes, shaving is not only boring, but slightly dangerous as well. This is a combination you can’t find in too many other things. Possibly going to a Bin Laden memorial while wearing a t-shirt that reads, “George W. Bush is the best president ever!”, but beyond that?
The funny thing is, I used to look forward to shaving. Spending hours intently staring into mirrors, feeling up my face while diligently searching for the tiniest bit of peach fuzz that would reassure me of impending manhood. I would lather up and put a blade to my chin before there’s anything there for the blade to attack. Of course, once I started to really have beard growth,I found out quickly what a pain in the ass it is to have to hack it off repeatedly.
Of course,I could follow the example of some guys just letting the beard grow and never shave - not even that part on their necks that looks all scraggly.You’ve seen them.The dude from Scooby Doo is one such example. No matter how intelligent or nice they may actually be, they always give the first impression of being from some in-bred hillbilly clan and you imagine them as having B.O. that would fell a charging rhino even if they shower twice a day and use so much cologne that the folks at Old Spice send them Christmas cards. It’s unfair, but that’s the way it is. Society just will not politely accept anyone that natural.
I’ve sometimes had women tell me that they envy the ability a man has to change his appearance so radically. It is sort of interesting. However, it’s also a bit frightening to not know yourself when you look in the mirror. I had that experience once after having worn a full beard for about 8 weeks. When I grew the beard, I looked like my father. When I shaved it off, 8 weeks later, I looked more like me. Not that my father was Frankenstein or anything, but it was unsettling. I don't want to know what other relatives I might resemble next.
Well, this is going nowhere - and not nearly fast enough, either. I’m going to go shave now since all I’m doing by not shaving is boring the hell out of you. I wish I had a funny shaving story, but I don’t. Shaving sucks. I can’t even get any good blogging material out of it.By the way, for all those who are interested ,there is a The Organization For The Advancement Of Facial Hair website. For 10 pounds you can start your very own local chapter and probably receive all sorts of interesting hate mail from depilatory manufacturers.
See you after the shave...
However, I need a shave.
To the normal person (that would be you) those two sentences wouldn't seem to go together. However, you (the normal person) aren't writing this. I am. And, to me, those two sentences make perfect sense together. You see, I am not particularly fond of shaving. In order to avoid shaving, I will use anything as an excuse. That includes writing about shaving.
Most men don’t like shaving unless they want to look really pretty.Yes,I have heard of metro sexuality but that sounds like someone still wondering which side of the sex he is on . I suppose most women aren’t too fond of it, either, but I’m not one, so I’ll leave that to them to say. Besides, they're shaving things that men don't shave nor would they even consider shaving.Oops,my apologies to the metrosexuals again.
If you shave your legs or armpits, it might be a pain but, if you screw up, you can generally find some way to hide it. When you shave your face, if you slice off your lower lip people are going to notice.Yes, shaving is not only boring, but slightly dangerous as well. This is a combination you can’t find in too many other things. Possibly going to a Bin Laden memorial while wearing a t-shirt that reads, “George W. Bush is the best president ever!”, but beyond that?
The funny thing is, I used to look forward to shaving. Spending hours intently staring into mirrors, feeling up my face while diligently searching for the tiniest bit of peach fuzz that would reassure me of impending manhood. I would lather up and put a blade to my chin before there’s anything there for the blade to attack. Of course, once I started to really have beard growth,I found out quickly what a pain in the ass it is to have to hack it off repeatedly.
Of course,I could follow the example of some guys just letting the beard grow and never shave - not even that part on their necks that looks all scraggly.You’ve seen them.The dude from Scooby Doo is one such example. No matter how intelligent or nice they may actually be, they always give the first impression of being from some in-bred hillbilly clan and you imagine them as having B.O. that would fell a charging rhino even if they shower twice a day and use so much cologne that the folks at Old Spice send them Christmas cards. It’s unfair, but that’s the way it is. Society just will not politely accept anyone that natural.
I’ve sometimes had women tell me that they envy the ability a man has to change his appearance so radically. It is sort of interesting. However, it’s also a bit frightening to not know yourself when you look in the mirror. I had that experience once after having worn a full beard for about 8 weeks. When I grew the beard, I looked like my father. When I shaved it off, 8 weeks later, I looked more like me. Not that my father was Frankenstein or anything, but it was unsettling. I don't want to know what other relatives I might resemble next.
Well, this is going nowhere - and not nearly fast enough, either. I’m going to go shave now since all I’m doing by not shaving is boring the hell out of you. I wish I had a funny shaving story, but I don’t. Shaving sucks. I can’t even get any good blogging material out of it.By the way, for all those who are interested ,there is a The Organization For The Advancement Of Facial Hair website. For 10 pounds you can start your very own local chapter and probably receive all sorts of interesting hate mail from depilatory manufacturers.
See you after the shave...
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