Growing a Beard-Beard Trilogy Part 1

Occasionally, I've been known to be a cheeky git. Oops. My sis caught that typo.I am told I have been known to be a VERY CHEEKY GIT. I have at least two sarcastic remarks on just about every topic. I am sure there are times when people have felt like rearranging my face. Unfortunately (for them!) there is no legal method for them to do that. Being a kind and generous individual, I have been searching for ways to help these unfortunate victims of my over-active cheekiness. Finally, I have found a way to rearrange my face. To help them out, I have grown a beard. Tadaaaaaaaaaa!!!! It was so easy, you can do it, too. But you can also buy my book on 'How To Grow A Beard in 30 Days' from Amazon.(Editor's note: Gillette Shaving company decides to take legal action at this stage!) Here is how to grow a beard. (Ladies, please don't try this at home.) On Day 1, I did nothing. On Day 2, I did nothing again. On Day 3, I did nothing twice. On Day 4, I verified that nothing was still being done. Then I simply repeated the cycle. Brilliant,innit?!! Einstein,Eat your heart out!!! It's been about two weeks, and my face is definitely rearranged. Do I look Good?Do I look Bad?I am beyond caring!!! To tell the truth, the decision to grow my beard was not just to atone for my cheekiness. In fact, what I really wanted to do was to see how I looked in a beard. Yes, curiosity is the real reason I have been growing a beard. Oops, there goes my roommate Vishu catching a typo again. I am told that line should have read: "Laziness is the real reason I have been growing a beard." Truth be told, I did the four-day nothing cycle more by accident. When you walk out of home to work and have nobody to impress but a skunk under the porch, a stray cat meandering about, the withering cherry tree sapling, a handful of flocking sparrows and 80 yr old fuddy duddies , the days can just kind of get away from you. Before I knew it, I had the foundation of a growing beard. That's when I got curious. And lazy. Some have suggested that I am growing my beard to hide those double cheeks."The 'Hanging Gardens of Blubber-on'" Ha, ha, very funny. I think my curiosity is settled. I am still lazy, but I am ready to shave off my beard. Unfortunately, my mom has not yet seen it, so I am keeping it on by special request until she can see it. Due to a heavy schedule, that visit might take a while. Oops. Silly me. My brother- the proofreader has saved me from inaccuracy once more. I am told that it is due to being too lazy to shave my beard, that visit might take a while. But sooner or later, the beard will have to go. I don't want to be mistaken for Charles Manson. Nor Fidel Castro. Nor The Girl Next Door, whomever she is. And summer is not the best season for growing a beard. It would make more sense in winter, when I need protection against the bitter arctic winds. In summer, it will only make my face sweat. But what will finally end my curiosity – and my laziness! – is food. When something sufficiently ooey and gooey gets stuck in the beard – something that I just cannot identify – that will probably scare me into shaving it off. Besides, all this beard-growing is probably of little comfort to those people wanting most to rearrange my face because of my vocal opinions. Knowing how to grow a beard won't solve their problem. A stapler might. And for all those getting tired of my writing. An axe might...